Heart and Soul: God of War Ares Spills the Beans about Eros and Psyche’s Barbecue in the Clouds
By Mary Margaret Fanning, Oracle Staff
Friday June 25, 2021
Irascible Ares shares his thoughts on his new role as father-in-law to the Pantheon’s newest member – the beguiling Psyche – giving unique insight into what it means to be a bloodthirsty war god as well as a loving father.
When Eros, the god of love, brought his new mortal bride to live with him on Olympus, tongues were wagging. Psyche’s entrance into the Pantheon and new status as goddess of the soul have been the subject for both debate and rejoicing amongst Olympus’ residents, her new family not excluded. The lovebirds hosted the groom’s parents last weekend for a lavish barbecue at Eros’ private sky castle.
Eros and Psyche aren’t the only ones adjusting to their unprecedented marriage. Not only have many young nymphs been left heartbroken by the Pantheon’s most eligible bachelor being taken off the market, but his parents have also been adapting to the realization that their bouncing baby boy is not a boy any longer.
“And just to think, it seems like only yesterday I was changing his diaper and untangling his little wings,” goddess of love and new mother-in-law Aphrodite sniffled wistfully yet radiantly as she recalled her son’s younger days to The Oracle.
A shining star of Olympian high society, Aphrodite is well known to readers of The Oracle’s social pages. Her partner Ares, however, is a surprising guest. As the stunning goddess of love nibbled daintily on a platter of cheese, figs, olives, and honey, the god of war shared his thoughts on his son’s marriage, his new daughter-in-law, and the barbecue at the sky castle.
“I’m a god who appreciates a good hunk of grilled meat, so when Hermes delivered Psyche’s invitation for me and the missus, I couldn’t help but take her up on it. And I’m not ashamed to say, I’m glad I did.”
Between recounting his bloody and glorious exploits and battle feats, Ares was spotted making several trips to the abundant buffet table last weekend at the sky castle. A private family gathering, the event has been the subject of much curiosity among Olympians. Readers interested in replicating Psyche’s rustic aesthetic and sumptuous spread should check out her page on Agoragram, where she shared her feast for her virtual devotees. Despite glowing comments online, Psyche has been criticized by some for serving an unrefined and predominantly human meal.
Images from Psyche’s Agoragram, @goddess_ofthesoulll
“People are giving Psyche a hard time for the menu she prepared. Yeah, sure, it’s mostly mortal food and not what those snobs on Olympus are used to, but hey, the kid did alright. The souvlaki was delicious! And don’t even get me started on that ambrosia fountain,” the war god added thirstily, a dreamy look in his usually rage-filled eyes. Ares went on to say how much he, a warrior, appreciates a hearty meal. He received a series of raised eyebrows from Aphrodite, who continued to nibble, daintily.
When asked his opinion on his son’s choice, Ares immediately rose to Eros’ defense (as well as Psyche’s). He is proud the love god has chosen to go his own way and marry a mortal despite Olympian society’s expectations.
“Eros isn’t that cute chubby little winged toddler anymore, he’s a MAN now. I have to hand it to my son, I’m pretty proud he went after the girl he wanted even though she was off-limits. Just like his old man!”
Ares went on to grumble something about bad parenting and how he doesn’t want that for his kids. He passionately declared that he’s determined to show to Zeus that he can be a better patriarch than the illustrious sovereign.
“Unlike my pops, I’m not going to quit my family. I’m a winner.”*
Ares’ estranged relationship with his parents is renowned and has been well documented in the pages of The Oracle over the millennia. Father Zeus has always shown disdain for his most ferocious and by far his most combative child. As he famously remarked unprompted last autumn at the ribbon cutting ceremony for Dionysus’ newest temple,
“Ares is and has always been a pain in my backside. He’s arrogant, disrespectful, quarrelsome, psychopathic, unhinged, and flat-out rude. I hate him. Dionysus is a vast improvement as a son.”
Ares responded in kind to his father’s remarks, which of course provoked their most recent estrangement, which The Oracle has been documenting thoroughly.
Due to his famed temper and bad attitude, the proud and boastful warrior god has never been one to adhere to the mores of Olympian society and has often voiced his dissatisfaction with the other gods. He was happy to hear that Psyche was admitted to the Pantheon, shaking up the old system. Ares admits to having a soft spot for the new goddess and former mortal princess. Despite Aphrodite’s notorious reluctance to accept Eros’ choice, Ares confesses to liking her right away.
“Psyche’s got some spunk and I appreciate that in a young goddess. She took on those labors that ‘Dite assigned her without complaint. Determination and perseverance are traits which are rare nowadays, especially among the younger deities, and those are traits I admire. In many ways, she reminds me of my own little girls, Harmonia and Alcippe. She’s got spirit like they do.”
Despite his warlike tendencies and hotheaded reputation, Ares values his family (at least those with whom he is on good terms). For Psyche to be compared to his beloved daughters is quite an achievement for young upstart. Clearly, she has found the proverbial Achilles’ heel in her father-in-law’s cantankerous heart. Quite an accomplishment.
Ares sees bright things ahead for the new couple. “They’re a good match. Heart and soul go together just as well as love and war.” He tossed a lusty wink at Aphrodite, who rolled her eyes, turning a fetching shade of red.
The Oracle wishes all the best for Eros and Psyche and hopes to feature the newlyweds in these pages in the not-too-distant future.
When asked if he had any closing comments to impart about his son and daughter-in-law, Ares just shrugged and proclaimed, “I gotta say, they grill a pretty good lamb chop.”
*The Oracle feels obligated to note that Ares’ success rate is quite low.